5 Reasons Why It is Hard to Communicate with Your Spouse

During our Monthly " Time with Asawa"

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." - Proverbs 16:24-

It can really be ironical that when you and your spouse started dating, both can stay for hours talking about nonsense sweet nothings but right after getting married for several years, you do not have  the same appetite in talking with your spouse anymore. 

Communication is a vital element in the life of married couples. Important in the sense that, it will either make or break your marriage. For couples who fail to communicate effectively, chances are , they eventually get divorced prior to figuring out what really the problem was between spouses.  Actually, there was a study conducted by PAUL R. AMATO and DENISE PREVITI  of  The Pennsylvania State University about the causes for divorce and one of those as stated in the figure below is : lack of communication. 

Retrieved from : http://www2.psychology.uiowa.edu/faculty/harvey/People's%20Reasons%20for%20Divorcing.pdf

Why is it hard to communicate with your spouse?

1. Fear of rejection - Rejection can surely crush our hearts to bits and pieces. It can ruin our inmost being. That is why most of us are afraid to communicate things because of the fear of being rejected. This should not be the case. We love our spouses enough to tell them things that will make them better. 

1 John 4:18 

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 

2. Pride - If we want changes in our own marriages, we need to eat our pride. We need to get rid of it as early as possible. In marriage, pride will destroy you. Remember, pride is the mother of all sin. 

Proverbs 11:2

"When pride comes, then disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." 

3. Nature differences- Husband and wife are wired differently by God. They can have different ways of thinking, understanding and approach on something. But both are created to compensate each other's weaknesses. 

Colossians 3:17

Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

4. Busy life - This is one of the most common reason why couples do not communicate. Both are busy with so many things like work, children, chores to be done, goals to accomplish, etc.. And most of the time, when spouses are together, they are kept preoccupied by their mobile phones. But the Bible says, " for every thing, there is time." So do not look for the time when you can spend a quality time talking with your spouse, you MAKE THE TIME!

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

A Time for Everything

1  For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

5. Not comfortable with the topic- Although spouses really want to communicate,  but most of the time, they are  hesitant to communicate with each other  topics or issues that they are not comfortable with. This is for the reason that they are not sure of how will the other spouse react on that certain topic or issue. Are they going to receive a positive or a negative reaction? Again, the fear of rejection is present. 

Ephesians 4:29

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Below are the topics or issues that most couples do not find very comfortable to talk about. But honestly, if these things are not communicated well, these can result problems in a marriage. 

1. Love for spouse-  Make it a habit that your love for your spouse should always be communicated. Through your words and actions, let your spouse see and know how much you love him or her. This will make your spouse very happy and secured in your marriage. Of course, we are happy when our spouses are happy, right?

Solomon 4:1-3

"You are beautiful, my darling,  beautiful beyond words. Your eyes are like doves behind your veil.Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.Your teeth are as white as sheep, recently shorn and freshly washed.Your smile is flawless,each tooth matched with its twin.Your lips are like scarlet ribbon;your mouth is inviting.Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates behind your veil." 

2. Finances - Money is usually a source of conflict in marriage. So it is very important that it is being talked about and well understood by both husband and wife. In marriage there is no more husband's or wife's money. All of the the things they receive like money, investments, possessions, etc. are called "conjugal property " for husband and wife are considered as one flesh. Make sure that you always sit down with your spouse and talk about your financial goals, budgets, savings, etc. When it comes to finances, both spouses should be involved. 

Genesis 2:24

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall join to his wife: and they shall be one flesh." 

3. Sexual intimacy - For some reasons, others find this difficult to communicate with their spouse. But this can also result to a conflict in marriage and worst , commiting adultery outside marriage because someone is not satisfied. Sex is God's gift to married couples and there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to sex. It is wonderful inside marriage but of course a sin when outside. It is very important that you tell each other what you want in bed so that both of you will be satisfied and happy so that Satan may not tempt you. 

1 Corinthian 7:3-5

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

4. Spouse's Weaknesses - Both husband and wife have strengths and weaknesses. That is why they are created differently by God to compensate and build each other up. It is very important for both to be patient with each other, give encouragement to each other and learn from each other. Remember that husband and wife are partners for life. Make sure that your husband or wife is or will become your best friend or else life will be too long for you to be irritated with someone who is always beside you. 

Ephesians 4:2

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

5.  Goals and Dreams -  Husband and wife should dream together, plan together and achieve goals together. Both should  openly share his or her dreams and goals  with each other.  As the head of the family, usually, God speaks to the husband regarding His plans for the family and wife should submit. Can I hear an Amen, from the wives out there? Hahaha

Genesis 12:1-3

"The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others.  I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.”

I encourage you,  husbands and wives to communicate with each other... Spend time with each other... And enjoy life and love with each other. If you are still struggling on how to communicate with your spouse, pray about it. Tell God your weaknesses and how much you want to make your marriage a happy one. God is the author of your marriage and He also wants to see both of you happy in your marriage for life.